Sunday, March 29, 2015

Meikyuu Kingdom - About the Endless Dungeons

[Translated from the Meikyuu Kingdom GM Book, page 104. Original Japanese text © Bouken]
About the Endless Dungeons

The entire world has been turned into one huge dungeon of despair, the Endless Dungeons. Here we discuss its mysterious nature and denizens.

Origin of the Dungeon

How was the world formed? There are many legends, but perhaps the best known is the legend of the Hazard King recounted below.

・The Legend of the Hazard King

According to legend, the world was once divided into three realms. That is, "Heavens", "Ground", and "Underground". The "Heavens" is the interminable blue space above man's head. The "Underground" consisted of the rock, the sand and the dirt beneath man's feet.*1 Man cannot enter either of these realms. Man was meant only to walk along the "Ground". Man was contented. The "Ground" was vast and boundless and bountiful.

It was flat, extending forever in all directions, and there was more than enough of it for one kingdom. People lived their lives in peace in this ancient kingdom. But then the "Hazard King" ascended the throne. He was a great wizard, his wisdom knew no bounds, but he was also very arrogant person.

The Hazard King thought. My power will be increased if was also ruler of the realms under the ground and above it. He called God*2, and ordered "Let the three realms become one."

Then all the parts of the world were put together in an instant, and the world became one.

The Hazard King was glad at this scheme, but the God of the World who was a Trinity told the King. "The World will not be confined in one body like that of a man, may you be confined as you sought to confine the world," and at once a labyrinth sprung up and swallowed the King. The King used all his magic to try and escape the labyrinth, but it spread wherever he went, and did not let him go. Thus, the labyrinth began to fill the entire world. This was how the Dungeon Hazard began.

A long time has passed and nobody now knows how much. There are those who now laugh at stories that the world was divided, treating them as a mere myth. However, there are also those who say that the King still lives, lost and wandering somewhere in the dungeon. Because the world is still a huge dungeon even now. Noone knows the truth.

Endless Dungeons

Whatever the cause, the world is now broken. We live now in this Endless Dungeon composed of a million passages, a million doors, and a million rooms. All we know is that the Dungeon is endless. Dungeonization has completely transformed the world as told in the Hazard King's legend. The sky, the sea and the earth no longer exist. What we are left with is only this dark, endless dungeon.

The chaos that broke out when the Dungeon began covering the world was unimaginable. The disaster's magnitude could not be pieced from the few records that remain of the time. The survivors of this cataclysm adapted to their new environment. They grew accustomed to living inside a dungeon.

・The Old World and the New World

The residents of the One Million Dungeon have a strong sense of longing for the world they lost. They have many paintings and songs, as well as children's toys and games that depict scenes from the former world before the Hazard King's time. None have even seen the sea and have no idea what they are missing.

The Hazard King's destruction of the world has brought great sadness to the people. It is the tradition in the Old Kingdom to burn an effigy of the Hazard King during the winter solstice festival.

On the other hand, the Hazard King is also praised as the creator of the New World. People see the Land Makers as the Hazard King's descendants, and would gladly contribute to their kingdom's progress. Some people may object, but they are few and any insurrection always fails. Within the populace also, there is the air of high anticipation for the return of a king with powerful magic. Nonetheless, Land Makers listening to idle talk will be weak-willed, hiding behind his people instead of confronting the crisis of the Dungeon Hazard.

・Away from the Edge of the World

The constantly changing dungeon expands outwardly and is always a prison shutting us in. Innumerable attempts to escape out of the dungeon have been made, all ended only in failure. Elevators, horselizards, and level excavator magic have all been unable to find the world's edge. Countless years from the Dungeon Hazard and none have found the edge where the dungeon ends. However, the tradition of challenging the dungeon endures to this day, as can be seen in the Dynamite Empire's dungeon excavations which is that nation's primary purpose.


[SIDEBAR] Birds and Fishes

Since some creatures, like the birds of the Sky Floor and the fishes of the Deep Floor, are usually seen everyday by common folk, they are not necessarily considered from a different realm. Landmakers embarking on an expedition away from their kingdom sometimes use a pack sparrow or carrier pigeon, a chicken or a duck, if they're lucky. Large-sized marine creatures are used as pack beasts too. These species of crab from the Sky or Sea Floors are rarely seen by common folk.


1・・・・・・In variants of this legend, "heavens" is also referred to as the "sky" and the "underground" as the "sea". Monsters from the Heaven Floor definitely have the features of a creature from the "Sky", just as those from the Deep Floor have features of a creature from the "Sea". Because of this, this legend tends to get the support of dungeon biologists.↩
2・・・・・・There is little description of "God" in the legend, but an ancient document has been found where "God" has been drawn in the form of a trinity: a dragon with three necks, countering the popular assumption that "God" was three dragons. Figurines depicting the God as Chimerae, Manticores and even Minotaurs, with three heads have also been found, but archaeological studies dates them as too recent.↩

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Meikyuu Kingdom world/setting info translation

Meikyuu Kingdom ("Make You Kingdom") is a wonderful Japanese TRPG that combines kingdom building with dungeon delving. There's been a fan translation of the essential stuff of the rules floating around the 'net for a few years now. There's also plans for releasing them in English but they're taking a very long time.

I've started a game of Mayokin, and I wanted to draw on the game's extensive background as well as flavor texts. The draft fan translation only vaguely alluded to the background and none of the various cards' flavor text has been translated into English.

I can't read Japanese but since I've got no choice, I'm translating the relevant world background information, starting with the Meikyuu Kingdom GM's book's world info section starting on page 103.

I will be using a combination of OCR (thanks to Adobe Acrobat Japanese OCR as well as i2ocr) and automatic translation (thanks to google translate, reverso, and excite.co.jp) and rephrasing the translated sentences into whatever makes sense. So not only will it be painstakingly slow, I'd probably also get the meaning wrong most of the time. But at least after all this, there'd be a semi-useable resource for non-Japanese reading Meikyuu Kingdom GMs and players to tide them until the official translations arrive.

So without further ado, here we go:


[Translated from the Meikyuu Kingdom GM's Book, pp.102-103. Original Japanese text is © Bouken]

The World

An introduction to the Endless Dungeons, the stage where the game is set. Useful for scenario making and role-playing.


First Edition Preface

We live in this world, called the Endless Dungeons among other things. These notes are based on the "Footsteps Reader" that my teacher, Dr. Theodofireras Hapavurahaburosu, has compiled.

The Doctor was born in a south kingdom of the Millenial Dynasty, a savant who lived all his life without ever leaving his kingdom. However, he had a very extensive knowledge of the dungeons. The "Footsteps Reader" compiled useful knowledge from the doctor's enormous collection of books.

Most of the contents of this book has been extracted from the "Footstep Reader", updated with modern lore. There are always new discoveries and changes in the Endless Dungeons (it is, after all, a dungeon of many dungeons), so things might be a bit different from what is written here.

A General Guide to Dungeon Careers, A lucky day in 2004
Takara-Markokias


Second Edition Preface

Though it has not been long since the publication of the first edition, which had a very good reputation, I am sure that this new version, which was a pleasure to write, will also be received with the same gratitude.

A booklet of this small size bearing the name of "The World" was initially mostly written as a handbook for beginning land makers. Being a hot topic, it got a lot of circulation. The first edition "The World" was not only a good reference for the active land maker but for the common people of those kingdoms as well, and there were those who were inspired to become land makers themselves. This is an unexpected pleasure for both the writer and his editor. We now live in the height of the Small Kingdoms Era, more than 170 years since the First Dungeon War. Since the previous Rise and Fall of the Empire Era ended when the massive dungeon tsunami, "Rolling Island Whale" plowed a path of destruction throughout the Endless Dungeons, countless small kingdoms have risen. This unprecedented foundation boom still continues as of today, with no indication of stopping. On the negative side, of course, innumerable small kingdoms have also been wiped out in the background, but the Small Kingdom Era is the era of the Land Makers.

As you avid readers already know, a tumultuous situation that threatens to further throw the world into chaos has erupted.

Two years ago, we cleared a dungeon called Chamber Land where we discovered a large number of artifacts and relics related to the Hazard King. When news spread of this to the Great Powers, each of them immediately dispatched their forces. A bloody battle threatened to break out over the Hazard King's relics which contained great magical power.

This conflict happened right next to an unaligned small kingdom. Even such a remote place is not assured of peace. Everyone knows that a nation's geographical features can be easily changed by Dungeon Storms or Dungeon Tsunamis. But a small kingdom with a population of dozens will be easily destroyed if it misunderstands the international dynamics. On the other hand, this is also an opportunity. With tact in diplomacy and the military strength to back it up, it is not a dream to progress one's kingdom to greatness. This is how the Dynamite Empire suddenly became one of the Great Powers.

People are already starting to call this war as the Second Great Dungeon War. In this confusing situation with many powerful regional lords, a small kingdom with a great Land Maker leader can make a huge difference. It is important to know all the rules of this Great Game played upon the gameboard that is the Endless Dungeons.

There is another reason why I wrote this book. I may as well be pulling the eyes out of a Bandersnatch, but it is frustrating that even the youngest Dungeon scholars that form the ranks of our Land Makers have shut their eyes from the wonders of the Dungeons.

When I hear conversations between Land Makers, it is often all about weapons and magic use and efficient tactics. Certainly, the Dungeon is a terrible place where you can not afford to be careless. But it never is a dull place with only monsters and traps. I highly recommended to sometimes lower your weapons, look around and savor the flavor of the world. The Dungeon is full of wonders. In the Endless Dungeons, exactly what lies ahead, whether it is around that crooked corner or behind that door, is unpredictable to anyone.

Finally, I will repeat what I have written in my book, "Endless Dungeons Encyclopedia".

The Dungeon Hazard is still ongoing, ever changing the world's appearance. New facts may be discovered by scholars, or the description we've written in this book might be overturned by what you, the reader, have seen or experienced. A book is just a book afterall, and can not compare to direct experience. In such cases, feel free to overwrite the description with your own. It would make this author very happy when young teachers impart the new knowledge they have discovered.

To my readers: if you ever encounter a wonder of the Dungeon that has not been written down in this book, and if you ever managed to return to tell such a tale, I would love to add your tale in exchange for an Acknowledgement.

A General Guide to Dungeon Careers, New Year's Day, 2007
Takara, Markokiasu


Origin of the Dungeons (p.104)

Covers the genesis of this terrible world, the Endless Dungeons. Not recorded in any history book, this ancient tale is veiled in the fog of folklore, but some established theories have been handed down orally through the generations. The legend of the Hazard King, that everyone knows so well, is again introduced here.


Structure of the Dungeons (p.105)

The Endless Dungeons is known to be divided into three separate regions. We live in "Ground Zero", with the "Sky Floor" above us, and the "Deep Floor" beneath us. This outline is discussed here. This is essential information for Landmakers who challenge unexplored levels.


The Dungeon Hazard and related matters (p.106)

This chapter explains the Dungeonification, a major factor characterizing our world. It also explains the Dungeon Algorithm and Kernels, presents a primer on the dreaded Dungeon Disease, and introduces the Dungeon Masters, villains who gain power by embracing the Dungeonification.


Stars (p.107)

Stars are necessities of life in the Dungeons, but before the Dungeon Hazard, they shone from a very high place where it was impossible to take them in your hand. What would a star be like on earth? Here we discuss the lore of the stars as known by Dungeon scholars.


Classification of Dungeons (p.108)

A Dungeon is not just a monotonous pile of masonry or hewn stone. The Endless Dungeons are rich in variety and ever-changing, beyond even your wildest imagination. We discuss the dungeonized landscape of our world in this chapter.


Traps and Monsters (p.109)

There are untold dangers lurking in the Endless Dungeons. However noone ever overcame hardship by being afraid. Here, we introduce the classifications of monsters based on the latest research, as well as the traps found in the Dungeons.


The Sky Floor (p.110)

A description of the world above "Ground Zero": the Sky Floor and its "Angel" inhabitants.


The Deeps Floor (p.111)

A description of the world beneath "Ground Zero": the Deeps Floor and its "Deep One" inhabitants.


History of the Endless Dungeons (p.112)

Starting with the Dungeon Hazard, this covers 2000 years of the history of the Endless Dungeons, the first part of which is based on the book "Millenial Dynasty Historical Research".


The Kingdom: Introduction & The Court (p.114)

The court of a million kingdoms struggle every day so humans can survive. Here, we discuss those who listen to the people living in the kingdom. Even a non-Landmaker would learn a lot about their lifestyle.


The Kingdom: Industry & Transportation (p.115)

Even though Landmakers leave on quests, delve in dungeons and generally wander around, they must be kept aware of their kingdom's industry. A Land Maker should not be fond of their deed of arms alone, but also fulfill their role as statesman and administrator. In relation to this, the various means of transportation in the Dungeons, both inside and outside the surrounding environment of the kingdom, are also discussed.


The Kingdom: Religion & Knowledge (p.116)

Man shall not live by riceball alone, a spiritual element is also important. Here, I will explain spiritual culture in the Kingdom, including magic, using a story with a moral lession. At the same time, I will call attention to several dangerous ideologies and evil cults.


Landmakers and the People (p.117)

In a kingdom with a small population ranging in the dozens range, the court will be near to the people. We also discuss quite a mouthful of facts about the people. This chapter discusses the Land Makers' role in the kingdom and their relations with its people 


A Typical Small Kingdom (p.118)

We take a look at an example kingdom, representative of the innumerable nations within the Endless Dungeons. Probably you who are reading this live in such a kingdom.


War (p.120)

Sadly, the Endless Dungeons is not a peaceful world. Being prepared for war is not an assurance of peace in the kingdom. Whether you attack another kingdom or defend from an invasion, you must know how to lead the country.


Diplomacy (p.121)

Just are people living in a society are tied together, their country also has relationships with other countries. Between countries, utility is the standard rather than faith. Still, a negotiations table should always be prepared. Because diplomacy usually provides better profit than a war with a great sacrifice.


About the Great Powers (p.122)

I comment on the four Great Powers that are influential in the Endless Dungeons. The fledgling Land Maker's kingdom can not even begin to these huge nations. He'll realize this the moment they attack. As a precaution, it would be better to study them now.

[SIDEBAR] Human Mutations

When humans come under the influence of Dungeonification, they began to exhibit various mutations. These changes run the gamut between small like pointed ears, being taller, having colorful hair or skin, elongated limbs, and skeletal and shape deformation, to more extreme changes like conversion of gender via dietary habits. Humans crossbreed dogs, cats, and horselizards to make various kinds of new breeds, and it seems that the Dungeon Disease is doing the same thing to human breeding.

Intense mutations that you can recognize and diagnose at first sight but everyone has some minute sign of Dungeon Disease if examined closely (men and women who have of age, for example, would have dungeonified fingerprints). Mutation is not a special phenomenon by any means.

[That's it for now. I'll be posting the next sections as I finish them. I'd probably compile these in a single PDF file later on.]

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Review: Deadpool Classic, Vol. 1


Deadpool Classic, Vol. 1
Deadpool Classic, Vol. 1 by Fabian Nicieza

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



This is an awesome introduction to anyone who wants to read Deadpool. You get DP's first appearance in the pages of New Mutants #98, his first four-issue miniseries (The Circle Chase), his second four-issue miniseries, and finally issue #1 of his regular series that started in 1997 (the rest of which are collected in succeeding volumes of Deadpool Classic trades.

Note that the New Mutants was drawn by the universally-panned Rob Liefeld (well, maybe not universally; he still has fans, Stockholm-syndrome and all that), who is also co-credited for creating DP.



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Review: Deadpool Killustrated


Deadpool Killustrated
Deadpool Killustrated by Cullen Bunn

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



After having killed the Marvel Universe in the last volume (and finding out in this volume that they don't stay dead because, hello, infinite realities), Deadpool now thinks he should stop all these heroes at the source: classic literature. With his teleporter attuned to travel to the classic ideaverse, he starts of on a killing spree that claims the lives of Moby Dick and Ahab, Dr. Frankenstein, Count Dracula, Tom Sawyer, and even Sherlock Holmes, among many others. It's the same loony Merc-With-A-Mouth, and I can't wait to crack open the third and final installment of the Deadpool Killogy.



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Sunday, February 15, 2015

Review: Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe


Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe
Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe by Cullen Bunn

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



That was fast and awesome. I love DP massacring the entire Marvel Universe, from the Fantastic Four to the Avengers to the X-Men. Even the Watcher got pwned. Those annoying Power Pack kids got killed offscreen somehow. And finally Wolverine, whose mutant power of popularity was finally revealed. On to the next volume in the Deadpool Killogy! :D



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Review: Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe


Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe
Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe by Cullen Bunn

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



That was fast and awesome. I love DP massacring the entire Marvel Universe, from the Fantastic Four to the Avengers to the X-Men. Even the Watcher got pwned. Oh, it was also nice that he took care of those annoying Power Pack kids. On to the next volume in the Deadpool Killogy! :D



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Saturday, February 14, 2015

Review: Red Seas Under Red Skies


Red Seas Under Red Skies
Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Once again, the Gentleman Bastards collect their dues in this, their second adventure. They've relocated to a new city (Tal Verar) and has got a new con going, one that actually took two years to set up. They also get a taste of how the other half of "Right People" live: pirates! Yet another awesome, recommended read.





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Sunday, February 1, 2015

Review: Redshirts


Redshirts
Redshirts by John Scalzi

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



My ereader tells me I completed this in 7.4 hours at 189 words per minute, which might not be that impressive compared to anyone else but myself. That was fast. My attention span is severely limited these days, and I think it's getting shorter but whenever I start reading where I left off in this book, I end up reading through for more than two hours at a time: TWO!

And I'm not even that big of a Trekkie, mind. I only like the Next Generation (and their films), the Original Series (and their films), and both the new Abrams reboot films.

The writing is fast and entertaining and, even though Scalzi moves things along at a crisp pace, you still want to see what happens next.

I am really looking forward to the upcoming miniseries... I hope SyFy doesn't drop the ball on that one.



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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Review: Designers & Dragons: The '70s


Designers & Dragons: The '70s
Designers & Dragons: The '70s by Shannon Appelcline

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



The decade that gave RPGs its birth has never been covered in much greater detail and scope elsewhere. About a third of the volume details TSR, which is understandable as the company published the Dungeons & Dragons and created an entirely new industry. As a fan, I went through an emotional rollercoaster as I read the book: my heart soared as I shared in the victories and many firsts of the era, as RPGs are starting to rise to prominence, while I almost wept (with or without much gnashing of teeth as accompaniment) as companies floundered in the many upheavals of the industry and failed. Having been introduced to RPGs around 1989 or so, and having grown up in a small backwater South-east Asian country, it is nice to know about the people (and games) that have all come before in this industry I will always be a part of. On the the '80s!



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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Review: The Broken Sword


The Broken Sword
The Broken Sword by Poul Anderson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



Fantastic story. Furious action scenes and a fast-developing plot, along with Poul Anderson's prose make this a fantasy epic worth reading. Read this because of the AD&D (1st Edition) Dungeon Master's Guide's Appendix N (Inspirational and Educational Reading). Elves, trolls, demi-gods, cursed swords--this is one of Gary Gygax's many literary inspirations from which pages the now-classic D&D tropes would evolve.



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Friday, September 7, 2012

Review: ソードアート・オンライン Sword Art Online - Fairy Dance


ソードアート・オンライン Sword Art Online - Fairy Dance
ソードアート・オンライン Sword Art Online - Fairy Dance by Reki Kawahara

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



This is a great continuation to Sword Art Online, the killer VRMMO which was cleared in volume 1 by Kirito the Black Swordsman and Asuna the Flash. However, two months after the servers of SAO went down, Asuna still has not revived. Kirito wallows in despair until he is contacted by Egil, who showed him a screenshot of a girl uncannily resembling Asuna except her avatar looks like that of a winged fairy. Furthermore, Asuna-fairy is held in a cage hanging from the lower branches of the World Tree, the ultimate objective of the new Full-Dive VRMMO, ALfheim Online.

So off Kirito went to create a character in this new world, where he meets Yui, his and Asuna's "offspring" from volume 2 and the Sylph swordswoman, Lyfa, who is much closer to Kirito in the real world than either of them realize.

The first few chapters of this new volume almost felt like they dragged on a bit too much, but that's understandable as the author lays in the foundations--characters, settings, new rules, and all--of this new game called ALO. Soon, however, the pace quickens as Kirito logs into ALO and begins his journey towards the massive World Tree that dominates the center of the world.

The books ends abruptly though, so make sure you have volume 4 ready to read as soon as you finish!

A must-read for fans of SAO, fantasy and massively multiplayer online roleplaying games.



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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Review: Sword Art Online - Aincrad


Sword Art Online - Aincrad
Sword Art Online - Aincrad by Reki Kawahara

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Volume 2 of Sword Art Online is set before the end of Volume 1 (which had Kirito clearing the game). This volume featured four short stories, each one pairing Kirito with a different girl he met during his two years in SAO.

The first story, The Black Swordsman (Aincrad 35th floor, February 2024), features the beast tamer Scilica, and how Kirito helped her restore life to her dragon pet, as well as hunting down some player-killers.

The second story, Warmth of the Heart (Aincrad 48th floor, June 2024), features the blacksmith Lizbeth who forged Kirito's white blade, Dark Repulser.

The third story, Morning Dew Girl (Aincrad 22nd floor, October 2024), features Yui, a strange "girl" who becomes Kirito and Asuna's "offspring" in SAO.

Finally, the last story, Red-nosed Reindeer (Aincrad 46th floor, December 2023), expounds on Kirito's first ill-fated guild, The Black Cats of the Full Moon, and his quest for redemption after the TPK of the said guild.

The stories are top-notch, so if you liked Volume 1, this volume is a must-read. A couple of the stories, particularly the ending of Warmth of the Heart as well as the Rudolph song sequence in Red-nosed Reindeer, are definite tear-jerkers, underlining just how much sadness there can be in this life and death VMMORPG.



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Friday, July 27, 2012

Review: Sword Art Online - Aincrad


Sword Art Online - Aincrad
Sword Art Online - Aincrad by Reki Kawahara

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Finished this during traffic on the bus. It's a very quick read.

This first volume covers the launch of the first Virtual Reality MMO where players use NervGear helmets to achieve "deep dive," a state that allows full immersion in the game. About two hours into the launch, the creator of Sword World Online announces that everyone is now trapped in the game with no way to logout. This taking of the players hostage is achieved via the specifics of the NervGear interface which basically cuts off all of the brain's signals so that they translate to actions in game rather than as instructions to one's body. Death in the game also results in the NervGear electrocuting (or microwaving; the translation is hazy) the player's brain, killing the in the real world as well.

Sword Art Online is set on the huge floating "castle" called Aincrad which is itself divided into 100 floors. Players start on Floor 1 and negotiate the maze there until they come upon and defeat the floor's boss, in which case access to the next floor is granted.

As I've said, this novel is a very quick read, not just because it is relatively short at less than 400 pages. The pacing is fast, often jumping months, and years to follow the main character. By the time the game is cleared at the end of this volume, two years have already passed in the story, and the main characters are at a supposedly high level, and the frontier of exploration has moved to the 75th floor.

Those who have played MMORPGs before (and have been hooked) will definitely find something to like in this action-adventure/love story. Even without NervGear, the experience we players had with the current MMOs are comparable: sometimes, the difference between the real and the virtual worlds blur, get confused. And you're left with the feeling that one is better than the other.

I'm looking forward to reading through Volume 2 which are side-stories set parallel to the main storyline of Volume 1. In the anime adaptation, these stories have been inserted into the episode order, mainly as padding to complete at least 13, or maybe 26 episodes (a season length to which some anime should definitely adhere).



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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Review: Dungeon World Red Book


Dungeon World Red Book
Dungeon World Red Book by Sage LaTorra

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Old-school dungeon delving with a shiny new ruleset! I've just stumbled into this gem fairly recently and loving what I'm reading. I've taken a look at Apocalypse World before, but my eyes glazed over before I could grok the rules. Dungeon World grounded Apocalypse World's rules for me. Who doesn't like a dungeon crawl?

This one's different though, enough to make me feel like that time I got my grubby little hands on the 1e Dungeon Master's Guide.

Can't wait to unleash this on my players.



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Monday, March 12, 2012

Bob Ong's Ang Mga Kaibigan Ni Mama Susan

Or, What Not To Do When Facing Pretentious Powers From Beyond

This is my second Bob Ong book right after Lumayo Ka Nga Sa Akin, and while that other book was fun while it lasted, Ang Mga Kaibigan Ni Mama Susan was a thoroughly shitty experience. Bob Ong, last horror mo na 'to, ha?

The man should just stick to pop culture comedy instead of wasting his time, and more importantly, my time with this annoying sorry-excuse-for-a-novel that highlights what can only be called the cliched backward and barbaric mentality of remotely rural Filipinos: trusting in faith healing instead of modern medical science, listening to the inane ramblings of elder pieces of excrement, and believing in weird and outdated occult phenomenon.

All the complications in this book could have been avoided if the hero was man enough to hack his way through the members of the Kapatiran (Ooh, I'm soo scared--NOT!). Seriously, the moral lesson of this story is that you should not be a wimp when confronting the supernatural. That undead abomination that he calls his grandmother, a.k.a. Mama Susan? I would have smashed her with the gas lamp, laughing through the smoke as she and her so-called "friends" burned to oblivion. Oh yeah, I would have set that backward subhuman lost town right. Freaky supernatural shit? Show 'em who's the goddamn boss.

Maybe Bob Ong wasn't really trying to write horror with this one. With something this annoying, the man was definitely trolling. And, obviously, selling off bullshit to make his rent.

The only good thing about this book is that, thankfully, it is short: only a hundred and twenty odd pages. Because apparently that's the limit of his attention span, his intelligence, and his talent.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Hardest Gary Gygax Quiz in the World

Leonard Anthony took the Hardest Gary Gygax Quiz in the World and got 80%!



You are a Gary Gygax Superhero. If aliens ever invade Earth and challkenge us to a Gary Gygax trivia contest, you will be our champion.

Paladin Code: You completed this quiz without using Google.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

ATTN: Cosplayers!

A lot of cosplayers say that cosplaying allows them to "express" themselves. Fucking BS (Bull Shit). The only thing they are expressing is how their crippled heads are devoid of any creative and original idea so that they can only APE the style of a character that they did not even create.

Most of the scene is composed of shallow wannabes whose idea of cosplaying rarely goes beyond the cosmetic and the physical--just like a freaking beauty contest. At least have the decency to internalize the character, you goddamn weeaboos.

I'm pretty sure this will just pass over their simple little heads. Well, konichiwa my ass, motherfuckers. OMG, using Japanese words shows how cool and otaku I am--NOT!

On Heroes

This piece was supposed to have been posted on June 12 (the Philippine Independence Day, I think), but I couldn't be arsed.


The so-called "heroes" of the Philippines represent nothing more than the rotting and decaying trash of those brown monkeys calling themselves Filipinos. They are exemplars of the worst of their execrable kind.

Take one of the more recently-inducted into their hall of heroes (or more appropriately, hall of retards): Ninoy "One-Shot" Aquino--the man who defied a dictator and then got shot in the face at the airport trying to return to a country who couldn't care less. Words can't begin to describe just how stupid that sounded, and the actual event is even more so. One could only hope that the man did not get an opportunity to pass on his inbred genes.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. The little bugger managed to spawn at least three retarded whelps (not counting the bastards that this obviously savage fuck-bunny sired, of course), one of which is even now doing a dubious job of being the mother-fucking President of the Philippines. This is the sort of thing that reflects the average Pinoy IQ: never higher than the low double digits. This is in a country where a 50 would get you qualified for the Senate.

These dung-flinging monkeys need to revise their criteria for selecting heroes as bad as they need to evolve beyond their backwater traditions. Heroes should be larger-than-life, they should possess freaking super powers, and most of all, they should not be losers--not victims of natural selection because they were too inferior to succeed with whatever inane thing they were trying to do in the first place.

Goddamn bastards.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Summer Vacation

For all its faults, being in a predominantly Roman Catholic country does have its perks: you get to enjoy lots and lots of vacation time! Granted, this time it's barely a week. It's Holy Week in Christian country but screw self-reflection and faith reestablishment, I'm having FUN instead :-P

There's a lot I want to accomplish this summer, and despite ever-annoying Real Life and Work issues that will definitely try to get in the way, I aim to achieve them. First on the list is a rewrite of Beyond Black Doors. Six years on, and that story's still clamoring to be told. I've long since parted ways with the co-author, but since I've done most of the plotting, there's no need to contact her. Besides, I'm setting it on its own world, divorced from its previous fan-fic-esque roots in Ragnarok Online's Rune Midgard. The lead female protagonist will get redesigned as well, least of all a name change from Venris Dastonia/Sevrin Astergarden to a better name: Zelle. This allows for a better dynamic with the male hero, Fynn, that wasn't possible before. So stand by for an epic swords-and-sorcery adventure as unlikely heroes try to save a dying world from those who would hasten its death.

On the console gaming front, I still have to work through a lot of backlog. There's Divine Divinity, the Diablo clone that offers better gameplay in my not-so-humble opinion, bringing more RPG to the hacking and the slashing. Dragon Quest IX is also begging to be played on my NDS. I started playing it again because I intended to enjoy the tagging and partying with my sister but I've lagged behind her so much.

There's a lot of backlog in my viewing list as well: Wolverine Anime and Supernatural Anime come to mind, among others.

So it'll be a busy summer. Have fun, everyone.